dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm like, not good at living.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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