So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i think i have herpe
just one?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
