Can Purell be used as lube?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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