I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
