I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need water and some morals
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
