I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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