I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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