New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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