Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
