If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
