Who did Billy Mays play for?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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