I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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