Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
