chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
