I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize