Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
