I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
