I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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