is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
