It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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