1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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