I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
