this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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