OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
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Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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