Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
