I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
