Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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