i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
