The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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