I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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