Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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