she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
