our cab driver is having phone sex.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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