well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it's like iHOP with fire
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
