Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
