Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
