I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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