I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He has the fingertips of a God
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
