Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
