i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
