My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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