Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
