While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
