I need to stop coming to work sober
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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