so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
