ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
