Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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