And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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