We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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