Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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