xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
