omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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