i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
