Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
