Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This baby is an asshole
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
