You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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