I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
