Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
