afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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