Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
