I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
