dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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