OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
