You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
