I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
