I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my being single is dangerous.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
