god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize