to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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