I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
