no, he came in my armpit
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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