My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
