This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
