I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
