margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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