i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
