are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
