Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
