no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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