Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
a search helicopter?!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
