Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
